Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Why do we still feel attached or jealous when a covert narcissist moves on, even after realizing their toxicity and the suffering they caused?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

How do I come out as queer to my best friend in a funny and stupid way?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Why is it so hard to date nowadays?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Do you believe that social media companies should allow posts spreading misinformation about election results, as suggested by Rep. Jim Jordan?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Flipping two atoms in LSD turned it into a powerful treatment for damaged brain circuits - PsyPost

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I can count

What is the worst name in Tolkien’s legendarium (meaning and look)?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I actually pay taxes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

In what ways is modern day Russia similar to the USSR? How does it differ from the USSR in terms of culture and politics?

I have a reading level above third grade

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

What is the lowest probability event you have personally witnessed?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I see through liars

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

How can I move on from my ex?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t buy bullshit

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I can read

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t cotton to rapists

I took the same Oath and took it seriously